Congrats to Scotty! Wins Idol, and gets big smooch on the lips from #2. Might need chapperones on the tour. Haley's restraining order on Grampa Steve might be revised to include Casey.
Results confirm FOX success with the NASCAR crowd. Look for more Fox stars to pop up in commercials like Randy @ Walmart. Jello is all over the makeup & should do well with a mail order bun burner video. Steve's book sales make him a candidate for the next wave e-reader, but I'm thinkin' Slim Jims-that MOUTH is a goldmine! Ryan could introduce manscaping to mulletheads.
Lotsa stuff to keep us old folks captive and curious about Fords & Droids, and our minds off the rhoids...
The ending hype was riddled with the usual last minute rush production gaffes. Most from the mixing board-Full Sail graduates? Judas Priest looked great-but you couldn't hear Glen's solo. James out screeched poor old Rob, but blew some lyrics. Suprisingly good 4 second solo, from the last second replacement for KK. Catch the Epitaph Tour-meaning already dead? Metal reality outdoes Spinal Tap once again.
The women of Idol 9 did a number together. All forgotten but not gone. Gone and Forgotten. You get it. Sucky in general.
More Growlin' from Ca-sey & Tenacious J.B. on "Scat" Bottom Girls. Haven't they learned in 9 seasons to stop trying to cover Queen? Hot chicks on bikes couldn't save this bit. Fat Bearded Guys you make that rocking world go round? Last minute attempt at humor-cute for about two seconds-epic dud.
Paesan Tony DiBennedetto lent some class to the affair, yet the obvious stylistic jazzbo pairing with Haley ended up pushing Idol's exploitation of the lolita concept even further past the rapture. Did I see a hint of jealousy in Grampa Steve's beady eyes? (Maybe just too much mascara.)
More blatant sexual innuendo from Jello & her pimp Marco. "Look at my butt shake! Just Look at it!." "Yes Dear, Very Nice! Keep it up while I sing." "Now Stop Distracting Me! My Voice is Cracking!" Rotten was very suprised to see the butt in full operation after suspecting that it's deterioration was previously covered up a few weeks ago by hammerpants. Repeat-Bun Burner Video.
Beyonce was beautiful & Spidey freaked me out, but Bono was boring.
Almost last, but not least-with two minutes left, from the bench......
Grandpa Pedophile Weird Uncle Steven Tyler of Aeroshit belts out "most" of his greatest hit! And actually nails the high note for a second! I will stop making fun of him for maybe one day. He really earned it. Where's that oxygen?
Time to get off the couch for summer. See ya in JAN. Unless the hype machine throws us a new Judge or something juicy from the tour I can bitch about. You heard it here first.
But Wait! Lookie There! KaraDioLaguardiaAirport sez she almost died from eating hash brownies at Paula Abdul's house! They weren't hers but they were in her fridge? Come on! What a teenage stoner excuse! And Governator's Procreator list has grown to 13 concubines in as many days!
Faithfully Yours,
Rotten
Showing posts with label Aerosmith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Aerosmith. Show all posts
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Rotten Gets It Wrong
To borrow a line from Simon, my Idol pick was sent home. In my defense, Vegas bookmakers blew it too. Usual conspiracy theories abound:
Looking on the bright side, neither will be forced into the year long Idol contract, and they have a few weeks head start before the tour to get a real deal of their own. Strike while the iron is hot, and show us their real talent on some product, out in time for holiday gift giving. Hopefully they will steer clear of the corporate machine, Kara DioLioGuaraDioNino's songwriting, and robotic vocal production.
Word to James & Haley, I'm willing to produce, write, play guitar & bass on the cheap, and promise not to exploit you kids any worse than Fox and Steve Tyler already have. Hell, bring along that growling goof Casey, too. Best Idol moment of the season was Haley's jazzzy duet with her platonic BFF (keep dreaming Casey.) I smell a Grammy there. Jimmy & Randy's noses look as big & brown as mine. Set fire to some more equipment-always a show stopper. heh heh heh - Fire's cool!
As I type this, Haley's homecoming down-wind at the local horse track is in full swing. I can smell it from here. 50 degrees cold and cloudy. Can't wait to see how much sunshine Idol producers magically add to the recap this WED. FOX lingo for Wednesday. Corporate research into viewer attention span has lead to the creation of their own vocabulary, reflecting the language of the texting generation, where all words will consist of 3 letters max: TOD, SAT, TON, RUN, ADD, HIV, SUX.
If you can guess from my gloom and doom, the season's pretty much over for me. Not a big country fan. Best wishes to Alfred E. Neuman & Lauren. Either one of you, or both, will do a fine job with the National Anthem at the next Indy 500, Walmart or Costco grand opening gig. And I'm already clearing my schedule to catch New Year's Rocking Eve, where Seacrust showcases the best of the worst Idol post finalists.
Ending on a brighter note-Looking forward to X F (Fox lingo for X Factor). Simon was missed, and with Paula they'll bring back the chemistry they made famous on AI. Steve & JLo have their new books, videos and Hammerpants (all awful). Randy has his Eye wear line, & is already auditioning for Metallica, but I heard that Hagar offered more $.
- Older set does not vote
- Older set does not like Metal
- Older set does not like piercings
- Older set does not Rock
- Rockers do not vote (Guilty as charged)
- Fox Republican'ts and NASCAR fans are into Cuntry music (no typo's-those are the jokes, kids)
- Blogger was down for 2 days after the result, confirming Big Bro Goog's growing stranglehold on the entertainment industry, competitive intelligence, and my inability to fess up in a timely fashion. (At least I could check out the new free feature flix on YouTube -keep repeating-Google is your friend.)
Looking on the bright side, neither will be forced into the year long Idol contract, and they have a few weeks head start before the tour to get a real deal of their own. Strike while the iron is hot, and show us their real talent on some product, out in time for holiday gift giving. Hopefully they will steer clear of the corporate machine, Kara DioLioGuaraDioNino's songwriting, and robotic vocal production.
Word to James & Haley, I'm willing to produce, write, play guitar & bass on the cheap, and promise not to exploit you kids any worse than Fox and Steve Tyler already have. Hell, bring along that growling goof Casey, too. Best Idol moment of the season was Haley's jazzzy duet with her platonic BFF (keep dreaming Casey.) I smell a Grammy there. Jimmy & Randy's noses look as big & brown as mine. Set fire to some more equipment-always a show stopper. heh heh heh - Fire's cool!
As I type this, Haley's homecoming down-wind at the local horse track is in full swing. I can smell it from here. 50 degrees cold and cloudy. Can't wait to see how much sunshine Idol producers magically add to the recap this WED. FOX lingo for Wednesday. Corporate research into viewer attention span has lead to the creation of their own vocabulary, reflecting the language of the texting generation, where all words will consist of 3 letters max: TOD, SAT, TON, RUN, ADD, HIV, SUX.
If you can guess from my gloom and doom, the season's pretty much over for me. Not a big country fan. Best wishes to Alfred E. Neuman & Lauren. Either one of you, or both, will do a fine job with the National Anthem at the next Indy 500, Walmart or Costco grand opening gig. And I'm already clearing my schedule to catch New Year's Rocking Eve, where Seacrust showcases the best of the worst Idol post finalists.
Ending on a brighter note-Looking forward to X F (Fox lingo for X Factor). Simon was missed, and with Paula they'll bring back the chemistry they made famous on AI. Steve & JLo have their new books, videos and Hammerpants (all awful). Randy has his Eye wear line, & is already auditioning for Metallica, but I heard that Hagar offered more $.
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