Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Open Minded Metalsphere

Warms my rotting heart that I got 59 pageviews in a week from METALSUCKS readers on a rant about American Idol.  (Goog stats are as addictive as crack.)

These are not big TwitSpace FuckBook fan numbers to brag about.  I'm just an old hack (guitars & type) pissing in the wind, on slow moving targets. 

But it does prove, once again, that Metalheads are the most open minded, devoted, and well rounded music fans in the FUCKING UNIVERSE.  (The girls are especially well rounded.)

Something we can all be proud of.  Standing "O".  Flick yer Bic.  Wooo fuckin Whooo!

Monday, May 30, 2011

Back So Soon?

As promised, All Idol, All the Time!  Off the air for only 5 days-not even a full week..

We got high on Paula's old brownies already (see last AI Post) so what's next?

Three guesses.....and the 1st one don't count.  I'll give you a hint...

_ _ _ , Drugs & Rock & Roll!

Jello has a sex tape!  Hubby before Marco Polo co-stars, currently working on distribution.  I'll say he did some distributing already!

Strike while the iron is hot.  Randy Jackson of Journey and Grampa Steven Bestseller List Tyler renewed their contracts for next season already.  And for some strange reason, both made more $ than Jello last season. 

Some way to embellish your resume!  As if being the most beautiful woman in America was not enough to put her on top.  (hahahaha.)

In all seriousness-this is one helluva way to break the glass ceiling at FOX.  True to GOP protocol-sex sells, especially with no substance.  And they will use it (to their advantage) 'til you lose it.

Keep up the good work. ?


 

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Pink Floyd - Grabs that Cash!

Roller Note: Old News-This is a reposting.  Blog previously munched by Google Technology while down magically appeared in the form of three drafts, 2 weeks later.  Thanks Goog, I think.  Original train of thought prevails.

Big fans like me pay big bucks.  Not much quality studio work from them beyond "the big 4 albums", leaves us begging for scraps.  The Roller admits he's shelled out $100 a pop to See Gilmour & Waters solo re-hashish tours 'cause he missed them in the day. 



Supposedly missing tracks or just alternate versions + live material coming out in "humongous" packages soon.  (gotta learn how to post these links!)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2011/may/10/pink-floyd-unreleased-tracks-on-emi



7 disc version of the Wall? With & without orchestra? Scrapped Solos? Re-mixed Gomer Pile? 3 discs alone of Ambient Worm Noise?  Collect them all!



Shit- I already have 4 Walls -ha ha- if ya count vinyl, CD, Roger's Berlin Dismantling & the Movie.

Yep-they have tons of tapes-Dave does actually play different solos in the studio shots on Pompei while recording DSOTM.  Do ya really need all those interviews they cut to whittle it down to "There is no dark side of the moon really."  Ha ha-they gotcha again!  Way back then!

And I'm sure Roger has acoustic demos of every freaking album on cassettes he made on acid in his garden shed.  Plus alternate versions of those on shrooms AND homegrown.

It might be nice to actually hear what Richard contributed to the Wall before the family fued.

Each album will probably come in a backwards version too, in 5.1 surround and dolby digital, 3G, 4G, Wifi, 3D and 4D!  With a CD ROM & a Blu ray copy!  We know Storm has loads of artwork ready to go too. 



Don't give me none of that do goody good bullshit.  Welcome to the Machine & Have a Cigar literally have become post apocalyptic reality.

WTF...How much more do we have to shell out to hear "something" original they might have left off?

Like the "The Tigers Break Wind?"  Just gotta say it- Stink Floyd!

Is this truly The Final rip off...?

Keeping MY wallet on the DSOTM for now.

Idol Season Re-Crap

Congrats to Scotty!  Wins Idol, and gets big smooch on the lips from #2.  Might need chapperones on the tour.  Haley's restraining order on Grampa Steve might be revised to include Casey.
 
Results confirm FOX success with the NASCAR crowd.  Look for more Fox stars to pop up in commercials like Randy @ Walmart.   Jello is all over the makeup & should do well with a mail order bun burner video.  Steve's book sales make him a candidate for the next wave e-reader, but I'm thinkin' Slim Jims-that MOUTH is a goldmine!  Ryan could introduce manscaping to mulletheads.

Lotsa stuff to keep us old folks captive and curious about Fords & Droids, and our minds off the rhoids...

The ending hype was riddled with the usual last minute rush production gaffes.  Most from the mixing board-Full Sail graduates?  Judas Priest looked great-but you couldn't hear Glen's solo.  James out screeched poor old Rob, but blew some lyrics.  Suprisingly good 4 second solo, from the last second replacement for KK.  Catch the Epitaph Tour-meaning already dead?  Metal reality outdoes Spinal Tap once again.

The women of Idol 9 did a number together.  All forgotten but not gone.  Gone and Forgotten.  You get it.  Sucky in general. 

More Growlin' from Ca-sey & Tenacious J.B. on "Scat" Bottom Girls.   Haven't they learned in 9 seasons to stop trying to cover Queen?  Hot chicks on bikes couldn't save this bit.  Fat Bearded Guys you make that rocking world go round?   Last minute attempt at humor-cute for about two seconds-epic dud. 

Paesan Tony DiBennedetto lent some class to the affair, yet the obvious stylistic jazzbo pairing with Haley ended up pushing Idol's exploitation of the lolita concept even further past the rapture.  Did I see a hint of jealousy in Grampa Steve's beady eyes?  (Maybe just too much mascara.)

More blatant sexual innuendo from Jello & her pimp Marco.  "Look at my butt shake!  Just Look at it!."  "Yes Dear, Very Nice!  Keep it up while I sing."    "Now Stop Distracting Me!  My Voice is Cracking!"   Rotten was very suprised to see the butt in full operation after suspecting that it's deterioration was previously covered up a few weeks ago by hammerpants.  Repeat-Bun Burner Video.

Beyonce was beautiful & Spidey freaked me out, but Bono was boring.

Almost last, but not least-with two minutes left, from the bench......

Grandpa Pedophile Weird Uncle Steven Tyler of Aeroshit belts out "most" of his greatest hit!  And actually nails the high note for a second!  I will stop making fun of him for maybe one day.  He really earned it.   Where's that oxygen?

Time to get off the couch for summer.  See ya in JAN.  Unless the hype machine throws us a new Judge or something juicy from the tour I can bitch about.  You heard it here first. 

But Wait!  Lookie There!   KaraDioLaguardiaAirport sez she almost died from eating hash brownies at Paula Abdul's house!   They weren't hers but they were in her fridge?   Come on!  What a teenage stoner excuse! And Governator's Procreator list has grown to 13 concubines in as many days!

Faithfully Yours,
Rotten

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Deep Purple induces Deep Sleep

Rock journalists today don't rock.  Noisecreep's article on the new Deep Purple tour proclaims "if Metallica can do it, any classic rock band worth it's salt" can tour with a symphonic orchestra. 


Huh?  No wonder they won't let me comment.  (Disabled?)   I'll do so here:

You make this sound like a "goal" for a rock band? Worth their salt?  To prove worth?  

Even though I truly enjoy the new sleepy renditions of my old heroes presented in symphonic sound, the truth is, this is a gimmick to keep product in the hands of their aging fans. Rock indeed derives much structure from classical composition. Yet the rock genre was based on the antithesis of symphonic - A smaller group with louder instruments can cause more devastation than a full orchestra.

Not a goal in rock - It's the first sign of semi-retirement. Next stop -PBS special, Branson & Vegas.  

Apologies to Yes, Alan Parsons, Moody Blues, etc-and Purple - I still love you guys.

MENTALLICA?  Fighting for their right to profit is commendable, but I gave up after Master of Muppets.  

Roller Addendum-I was reminded later today by a "Deeper" fan that Purple were originals in this field.....Rare 1970 London Philharmonic recording was their first album with Gillan and Glover.  (Might as well put this in the re-hash category as well.) 
Rotten egg on the Roller for not recognizing an "original".   
Rotten Feces on that Noisecreep bitch for the same, in addition to her gen-X poser Metallicker comparison that ingnited this rant.   BURN!  (Get it?)
Rotten Corpses on the Dictatorship of AOL for not letting me comment in the first place.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Gut Reaction

My insecurities cause the roller to research shit to death before making a decision, when I should go with my gut.  Another favorite went home on Idol.  Hopeful a day ago, depressed this morning.

My gut knows rock & blues.  And corporate America.  Marketing Hype.

I used to play Idol with a larger slice of the voting demographic, but unemployment has left me rusty on how the other half lives.  Not much water cooler talk for me these days.

All of the chat rooms had it wrong as of air time.   The decision supports the  same conspiracy theories I came up with when James lost: FOX=Republican=Nascar=Country Music=Older Rockers are apathetic non voters.

Same theories I used to my advantage in Season 1, now forgotten in my own hype.  Thinking ten years gone would age the viewing demographic.   Maybe slightly.  Zep & Priest and even Old MacDonald would never have gone this far before.

95 Million voters can't be wrong.  I'm not a sore loser, just old and out of touch. 
I'm sure I will enjoy James, Haley, and Casey's post Idol work more than Daughtry and Carrie's Underwear.

I'll stay tuned for more hype.  Heck, 3 Italian kids singing Sole Mio?   Awesome-How in the hell did I predict that?  I'll keep that crystal ball warm. 

See all ya Bible thumpers on the other side of the rapture for XF & AI Season 10!  Or at least the Rockers.....
  

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Little Girls Understand

Just when I was ready to bail on Idol for the season, Haley picks up the rockin' torch and delivers a stellar version of a Led Zep classic!   Even Jello praised it.  Her performance was more memorable than weird uncle Steve's video last week.   Whose the rocker now?

This kid could make the city by the lake a repeat.  And don't forget Jenny H.  Once upon a time, this was the center of the blues universe.  No suprise that XF is auditioning here today.  "Goin' to Chicago"
My apologies & prayers for the waterlogged folks on Big Muddy.  (Hey Idol Producers- Ya missed a real good place to "give back" this year!)  Mr. Mojo's windy city bandmates dredged up my headline from generations of "dirty water" dwellers.

Ever since Fast Times, we were LED to believe that ZEP wasn't for chicks.  Just a phase for frustrated male virgins.  Heart challenged that theory.  Frustrated females followed-Tori & more recently Gaga..to name a few.    And check out 'deese bitches:

 http://www.lezzeppelin.com/

Yep, Iron Maidens too.  Where were these chicks when I was frustrated?   I was wasting my time with a ding dong who claimed Rush was the equivalent of Tweety Bird banging on garbage can lids.

My 1st impression of Haley was "bluesy".   Make us proud!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Trumpty Dumpty

Sat on the board..Trumpty Dumpty is a real whore.

Within one hour of NBC's announcement that he could be replaced by fellow criminal Martha Stewart,  his staff concocted a letter of resignation from the Presidential Race Riot. 

Something like $50M he would have forfieted from the boob tube.   Buys a lot of "product".  (hair joke)

We know which gig pays more. 

At least he made his exit from politics more gracefully than the Governator.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

RIAA Wins one for the Roller!

Rotten Note:  Wed May 18. 

The Huffpost article this post referred to was changed today-INCLUDING THE BLATANTLY INCORRECT HEADLINE!  AND PUTS LOTS OF EGG ON THE FACES OF THE JERKS WHO COMMENTED THERE!  PREDOMINANTLY FILESTEALING THEIFS - ALL IN THE NAME OF FREE ENTERPRISE!   BULLSHIT KNEE JERK JOURNALISM!  GOT A RISE OUT OF ME -THATS FOR SURE.  REMIND ME TO STICK TO LAW AND FACT, NOT JOURNALISM. 

And please Huffposters, read the RIAA statement before you comment!   PULEEZE!  IT'S STILL PUSHING IT'S FILESTEALING AGENDA 24 HOURS LATER!  LEMMINGS WHO CAN'T READ OR THINK!  THAT'S SOME RETRACTION!  YOUR READERS STILL DON'T GET IT!

http://riaa.org/newsitem.php?content_selector=newsandviews&news_month_filter=5&news_year_filter=2011&resultpage=&id=0750A00C-192B-0171-1D91-1E69DC416522
My original post still stands as written below:


I will not plagiarize the emotional headline spread to cause knee jerk reactions with all music fans.
(Even if it came from a reputable source, also in bed with our big bro Goog, the Huff Post.)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/17/riaa-and-record-labels-wi_n_862725.html

$105M won from Limewire for the file stealing mess.  And all the reports claiming that the artists get nothing. 

BOO FUCKING HOO! 

All the starving artists.  And anyone who ever sang along - is crying for them.

GROW THE FUCK UP!

Whiners.  Yeah, just like me.  Embraced every format that came along, bought the next player, and now get all we want for next to nothing on this interweb thingy.  We all killed the music too.

You fucking murderers!

It's pretty clear the old music industry machine is dead without it's tangible spinning plastic delivery systems that were manufactured, distributed, and retailed conveniently. 

If you could get food and clothing from your droid phone, why would you leave the house?  Sex was there first!  (profiting from the internet)  Envision the replicator on the Starship Enterprise.  All the booze and filet mignon you can suck down.  At the touch of a button-or verbal command! 

Music is there.  Now. Today.  No science fiction.  It's a stark reality.

The artists that survive today do so on touring and merchandise.  Sharon keeps Ozzy breathing long enough to reach another fest tour.

Merch.  Yeah-all those Harley Davidson T-shirts and no bike in the garage.  Remember Tommy Hilfiger?  Logo on a t-shirt.  Who could actually afford the real clothes?  But we all want to be a part of his well dressed dream perfect world.  Buy the Image.

The old music industry was the delivery system-of both image and content.  Only the best made it to the store shelves.  The rest died in their basements and garage bands.  And rightly so.

Today, any idiot with a guitar (Hi there!) can put a few tunes on SpyMace, and still be unknown forever.  Yeah-just like me.  Too many choices.  Too many outlets.  Clicking on a million bands that sound just like Death Cab For Cutie: Metal Death Cab, Death Cab with Horns, Reggae Cab, Cute Chicks in a Cab, etc.

The playing field is so level, you can't hear a pin drop amongst the din.

You pick what you want-and basically voted that what you want IS CRAP!  Fair and square. Communism.  Now it all sucks.  Any no talent hack (Hi there!) can spit out crap all day - at the touch of a button - whether you listen or not!

RIAA supported and promoted innovators.  Singers, players, writers, composers.  Creators that brought something new to the table.  The music that deserved to be heard.  Rated on merit-popularity-gold, silver, platinum sales. 

Think Classical.  Jazz.  The roots of all this robot voice tripe you hear today.

The Huffpost headline promoted a load of comments badmouthing the RIAA, by a bunch of kids (and adults) that promote theft.

Read the RIAA statement.  They protect and promote the rights of the creators.  Fuck the money.  The real creators are long since dead.  (And not touring anytime soon)

Is Vivaldi getting any richer?  Probably not.  But if his music is reduced to an icon on a screen, generations will suffer a greater loss than money.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Rotten Gets It Wrong

To borrow a line from Simon, my Idol pick was sent home.  In my defense, Vegas bookmakers blew it too.  Usual conspiracy theories abound:
  • Older set does not vote
  • Older set does not like Metal
  • Older set does not like piercings
  • Older set does not Rock
  • Rockers do not vote (Guilty as charged)
  • Fox Republican'ts and NASCAR fans are into Cuntry music (no typo's-those are the jokes, kids)
  • Blogger was down for 2 days after the result, confirming Big Bro Goog's growing stranglehold on the entertainment industry, competitive intelligence, and my inability to fess up in a timely fashion.  (At least I could check out the new free feature flix on YouTube -keep repeating-Google is your friend.)
Considering the aforementioned realities, Haley (my next choice) probably won't make it either.

Looking on the bright side, neither will be forced into the year long Idol contract, and they have a few weeks head start before the tour to get a real deal of their own.  Strike while the iron is hot, and show us their real talent on some product, out in time for holiday gift giving.  Hopefully they will steer clear of the corporate machine, Kara DioLioGuaraDioNino's songwriting, and robotic vocal production.

Word to James & Haley, I'm willing to produce, write, play guitar & bass on the cheap, and promise not to exploit you kids any worse than Fox and Steve Tyler already have.  Hell, bring along that growling goof Casey, too.  Best Idol moment of the season was Haley's jazzzy duet with her platonic BFF (keep dreaming Casey.)  I smell a Grammy there.  Jimmy & Randy's noses look as big & brown as mine.  Set fire to some more equipment-always a show stopper.  heh heh heh - Fire's cool!

As I type this, Haley's homecoming down-wind at the local horse track is in full swing.  I can smell it from here.  50 degrees cold and cloudy.  Can't wait to see how much sunshine Idol producers magically add to the recap this WED.  FOX lingo for Wednesday.  Corporate research into viewer attention span has lead to the creation of their own vocabulary, reflecting the language of the texting generation, where all words will consist of 3 letters max: TOD, SAT, TON, RUN, ADD, HIV, SUX.

If you can guess from my gloom and doom, the season's pretty much over for me.  Not a big country fan.  Best wishes to Alfred E. Neuman & Lauren.  Either one of you, or both, will do a fine job with the National Anthem at the next Indy 500, Walmart or Costco grand opening gig.  And I'm already clearing my schedule to catch New Year's Rocking Eve, where Seacrust showcases the best of the worst Idol post finalists.

Ending on a brighter note-Looking forward to X F  (Fox lingo for X Factor).  Simon was missed, and with Paula they'll bring back the chemistry they made famous on AI.   Steve & JLo have their new books, videos and Hammerpants (all awful).  Randy has his Eye wear line, & is already auditioning for Metallica, but I heard that Hagar offered more $.
   


Saturday, May 7, 2011

Death to America still WINNING

The death of a terrorist sparks much discussion, and causes the Roller's feeble mind to ROT.

I'm currently watching a "clinical psychologist" (?) on TV explain the best way to handle this event with your children.

"Don't bring it up.  Let them ask the questions".

Reactionary.  Not proactive.  Sit around and wait for something to happen, then react on it.

Instead of educating, we are in damage control mode.

The Clinton administration was aware of the potential destruction this man could wield, yet we sat and waited.  And I would imagine that Bubba had some help collecting intelligence, ranging from prior administration officials and allies overseas.

We saw it coming.  And waited.  To ask questions later.  Too late.  And spent much money, and lives.

This style of education sucks.  I am burning my PSYCH 101 textbook instead of the Quran.

These poor kids today will have a rough time in life, sitting around waiting for The Borg to "assimilate" them.

While I'm in Outer Space, I'll also mention that "remakes" also suck.  The new "V" series left out an important theme from the original: parallels to Nazi death camps.   Surviving victims warned the future generation. 

Education is dead with psychology experts like her.  RIP ?   Rot in HELL! 

Some teachers are as evil as terrorists.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The Band Remains The Same?

As the roller attempts to return to the stage, thoughts turn to the business of bands.  Money vs Creativity.  A good brand name is hard to resist.  Scammy Hagar's latest book tour bites remind me of all the personnel changes we've tolerated.  Most have been lesser attempts at sustaining the original magic.  There's nothing wrong with seeking out your peers to create a new sound, but branding it as the original is kinda like New Coke.  Come up with a name at least! 

Music is ART, not an MLB franchise!  There oughtta be a law against this.
 
Genesis shrank into shrinky dinks.
Cry's of EPIC FAIL follow the Bad Queen Co. 
Paul Dodger's was earlier sought by the Doors to replace Mr. Mojo Risin'.

In his defense, Hagar eventually took the high road with "Chickenshit" & Snatch.
As did Page & Plant &/or Copydale &/or Firm &/or Creaky Vultures &/or you get the picture.
And one creative approach of note: Anderson, Bruford, Wakeman, Dewey, Cheatam, & Howe.

And before you set fire to my guitars, I'll mention the RARE EXCEPTIONS- RUSH, MAIDEN, DIO/SABBATH & even Dead Leppard.

Get your scorecard & pencil ready when you go over Scammy's "almost was" resume:
 http://rocknewsdesk.com/world-news/hagar-said-no-to-velvet-revolver-motley-crue-and-aerosmith/1634/#comment-9291

Congratulations to ZZ TOP - oldest band with no personnel changes.

I'm guessing YES had the most, Along with VIA Gra. (dare ya to find other post!)
Old albums of note have the family trees on the sleeve-Uriah Heep, King Crimson, & Maiden.

Any ideas who has the fastest revolving door in Rock?  Are they hiring?  I know all of Page's solos!

James Durbin - Love child with wow factor

After snoozing thru another round of The Voice, conversation turned to why American Idol still reigns.  This broken record repeats that Idol kids have that wow thing going on, along with good pipes.

Trying to chase down that awful Voice aftertaste, we started tubing on James.  And a qualified rocker (not even an AI fan) made an interesting observation: James Durbin is the love child of two good lookin dudes!  If they mated:

(Matt Damon & a very young Kurt Russell)  Rock On James.  He has the pipes too.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Pants On The Ground

As much as I would rather be bashing Idol contestants, I am reminded today of my own stage fright when I was forced to drop my pants on two separate occasions by airport security personnel on business trips during the last decade. The Roller was embarrassed (bare-assed) and angry.

Many express closure this morning - Vengeance and a victory. And those who have re-opened the wound are all martyrs.

There is no solace from evil – ever. Fear wins again, and changes the landscape forever - for generations that learn to coexist. Be careful out there. Nothing is over if we are to learn and grow.

Fear is the greatest cost of freedom.
Apologies to Msrs. Stills & Young for not finding an original version this morning.  Lingering effects of David Gilmour interpretations from the previous evening take a few days to wear off.  He carrys the torch well. 

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Bongo Jovi - King of all Media

About a month ago, Jonny Bravo is crying about the death of record stores (yeah-me too), BUT blaming I-Tunes (who puts calimari in his belly & clams in his bank account).   We all know Steve Job's love for music (US Festival) and he put $ back in the artist's hands after the file-stealing mess.  Now all of a sudden JonBo has plugged in and discovered this interweb thingy, and proclaims he can run the Bongo empire all by himself.  Yeah, it works with a household name and an established fanbase of Milfs watching Yoda & Kelly Lee eating bon bons, but millions of starving indie kids still suffer a lonely career busking to anonymous IP's on SpyMace..   Remember the Little Runaway video on MTV?  Without it, you'd still be stuck in the mud of No Jersey.   In our face every hour.  Climbing aboard the hairspray bandwagon faster than Richie SamBoring climbs on the bimbo-du-jour.   That could also explain Boring's lack of interest in playing any relevant guitar on the records-so many chicks, so little time.  Bongo belts out stories that still speak to Jill Sixpack, and Boring bends one note for 12 bars (It's my Life).  What a life...  I used to go to the record store to pick up chicks.  Maybe I should check out Jovi's tour...